Is there a gentle way to die? I don’t think there is anyone how wouldn’t prefer to just go sleep and not wake up. But that rarely happens. As you read this blog many people in the world have just died. Many of those left behind will wonder if they could have done more to help their loved ones.
The word ‘death’ terrifies even the strongest person. And often, when that issue needs to be faced, the ones who could offer the most support tend to hide away or give false platitudes such as ‘when you get better we can do such and such’, or ‘you can beat this, come on’. It is not their fault, they have no other way of expressing their terror, so they either say nothing or what they think the person wants to hear.
Death is a part of living. It’s a sad fact of life and no one is safe from it. So how can you help a loved one or friend die gently, surrounded by peace and love? If the person is in a hospice, check first if you can burn some incense such as Camomile, Rose or lavender. These all work on calming the emotions. The senses are the last things to leave a dying person,so they will gain huge benefits from the experience you give them. Essential oils are said to represent the inner soul of the plants and fruit that they come from, their healing/soothing ability on the human psyche is breath taking. It is said the left nostril for inhalation is positive energy and the right negative. So pay that in mind when you place the scented burner.
Crystals have been used for more than 10,000 years for healing because they have an ability to link with the human body and bring harmony. Even to a body that has dis-ease. A gem exlixer in spray form can be spritzed into the room, adding a soothing energy to a sometimes painful one. Add a few drops of essential oil and you have made a theraputic room spray.
Gentle foot, arm or hand massages with essential oils, are all lovely ways to comfort a person who is dying. If they can’t tolerate being touched, for whatever reason, lightly stroking down their arms, legs or forehead with a feather is also good as it still gives them that human connection. Play some beautiful music, read them passages from books and if you know how to use a singing bowl, the tones can be very soothing to the psyche.
When the physical body begins to succumb there is a huge energy shift in the room that is tangible to anyone. This is the time you can most help the person on their new journey. Make their room tranquil. Bright lights hurt the eyes of those who are failing, so a lamp with an orange bulb is better at this stage. It is important to now remove any sensory stimulation, such as flowers, incense or music. Light a small white candle. You can sooth the person, even if they are unconscious, by softly talking to them, reading a passage of poetry or saying everything is fine, they have nothing to fear, it is okay to let go.
As death becomes imminent, powerful forces are at work. The spirit goes to a place of unconditional love, where they can sort out unfinished business or review past events of their life. They are beginning an epic journey and a powerful expansion into awareness as they take the final step into the light. When the last breath is released a chill might be felt in the room as the spirit of the person departs. This can sometimes linger for days, so if this room is in your home, you will need to cleanse the room and release the stale energy it is holding onto.
To be with someone who is dying is immensely draining for the person left behind. There is often a deep feeling of hollowness and fatigue. It is now time to honour your own needs and reclaim your energy. Sleep, eat well and go out into the sunlight and fresh air to revitalise your spirit. Don’t hide the fact that you feel under the weather and acknowledge that you might feel the need to withdraw from people for a short time. In helping someone to die gently, you have given the greatest part of yourself to them. For you became the person who lit their pathway and held the map that guided them home. Now you need to rejoin life again.
Many people have their own rituals when it comes to grieving, but mostly it is a time for reflection, forgiveness to give yourself permission to let the person go. It doesn’t mean you will ever forget them, it just means you are allowing yourself to move forward with your life.
From even the darkest night, there will always be a golden dawn.
Namaste.
This is a lovely post, Margaret. As my father was dying several years ago, I read "The Tibetan Book of the Dead" and for the most part didn't like it much. There were a few ideas that I incorporated from the book. Eventually, I thought about what a quiet person he was and made the environment quiet. It is a difficult thing to be with a person as they die and your post has given those of us who read your post a way to think of the experience. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely post Margaret, and as for the poem it is a real comfort giver. I will definitely take on board what you have said and hope that if ever I am with someone when their time comes I can make it easier for them by doing what you have suggested. You're posts are always interesting and and impart knowledge that is good and easy to put into practice. Patricia xx
ReplyDeleteI have had some great feed back to this post that i have placed on the blog for everyone to see. It is always hard to find the right balance when talking about this subject.
ReplyDeleteTrish.
Thank you Mags for your empathic way of giving comfort to those who need you most (us) I only hope that when my time comes, I am treated to a similar experience. I may need this for a friend who is caring for someone who is terminally ill. My dear friend, thank you xx
Pam:
Uplifting, Margaret. It is not an easy task when Hospice tells you to prepare your heart for a loved one to die. Delighted to know that my ritual was similar to that of your article in using scented oils, candles and comforting messages while helping to make the spiritual journey. Thanks for sharing this.
Elly.
It was alovely piece Mags, I used to spend much of my career with the dying or dead and I was always cahtting and touching them, it comforted me and them.... As a society we're not very used to dealing with death but its a right of passage and handled correctly can be a very positive thing. Thanks for sharing